August has been quite the roller coaster ride. Starting off with the stress of scrambling to get out of town to Lake Powell, followed with 5 days of complete and total relaxation and fun. Then, coming home, arriving with a bang of responsibilities to tend to, a mailbox full of bills, and reality to face. For a while, I felt pretty overwhelmed. My business partner moved out of state, so not only did it put more responsibility on me at work, but I also am missing one of my best friends. Our Tuesday and Thursday talks really seemed to keep everything in perspective and on a positive note with me. I am happy for her, truly, honestly, purely happy that she is right where she needs to be, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hit me much harder than I thought it would. For a week there I let everything overwhelm me. So many changes, so many ups and downs in such a short period of time. A spontaneous trip to Idaho put everything... and I mean everything... back in focus for Jon and I. Seems to me like a good ole' visit to Jon and Natalie always has that effect. I'm back on board with what's important, what's not, and what's worth sacrificing for things that do really matter. I now stand on more solid ground in regards to what's temporary in my life, and what's permanent. I no longer feel overwhelmed, stretched too thin, or uncertain in our ability to meet expectations.
On top of that, I was thinking last night, about how life works. Choices, consequences, and the driving force behind decisions we make.
We make choices every single day, and those choices impact the path in which our lives travel, but also affect the people around us. Every decision we make opens up a new learning experience, be it for ourselves or the people involved in our lives. Sometimes it's difficult to understand why things happen, or to embrace the bad experiences for the lessons they teach, We, as humans, often fall into a dark hole of self pity and in turn hinder our own learning experiences.
I've recently closed a chapter of my life that began many many years ago. A dark chapter. The kind full of shadows, dark allies, monsters, and demons. For a long time, I let this chapter dictate how I felt about myself, what I thought I deserved. I carried with me negative feelings, fear, and doubt. I finally faced things that needed to be faced, said things that needed to be said. I knew there would be consequences, had NO idea if they would be positive or negative, but went with my gut feeling. I can not put into words how at peace I feel with my life right now. I'm at peace with where I've been. I've made a lot of poor decisions that have in turn hurt a lot of people... but now, finally, that's over. I've accepted all the good and the bad of the last 21 years for what they are, and that they never will be again. I harbor no grudges, no negative feelings, and no fear.
Jon and I have an amazing future to look forward to. It will not be without trials, but I know without the shadow of a doubt that we will rise above any challenge we are faced with. When we stick together, with a like goal in mind we are unstoppable. Some of you know what sparked this whole big turn around- but most of you don't. That's ok. The point is: we're happy. We are undeniably, uncontrollably happy.
Now, as the air cools and the leaves change as Fall rolls in, the physical changes taking place bring with them a breath of fresh air, a renewed outlook on life, and a sense of freedom I have never experienced before.
And that, my friends, is something to celebrate. Cheers.
And because no post is complete without a Dane face or two: