Monday, September 28, 2015

So Much Life Going On

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Dangerous, I know. I feel like I've fallen into this bad cycle of my priorities getting out of whack and needing to get back on track. IN an effort to resolve this, I've distanced myself greatly from social media. Sure, I post pictures of Chase, pregnancy updates, and opinions on things or random thoughts of the small day-to-day happenings, but the meat of what's going on in my life, the changes taking place and plans in motion- no. I've kept that all to myself.
Social media encourages us to over share. The problem with oversharing is it makes every little detail subject to other people's opinions. The problem for me with that is I start to care too much about what people think. Then I over think, over worry, and over stress.
It's been refreshing. We've been under contract on selling our house and are set to close in just a couple of days. We've moved into a different house and are in that weird transition phase where we are still back and forth and all our dogs aren't here yet (awaiting fencing) but we are settling in and it's slowly but surely becoming home. We've had a litter of puppies that will be 4 weeks old tomorrow. And all of this, we've done without the opinion of anyone. And it's been delightful!
It has really helped me refocus on the things and people who matter most: family, friends who might as well be family, and personal goals. The rest just kind of falls away. The entire experience actually has me contemplating eliminating my cell phone from my life as well, but that's a subject for another day. We already have absolutely no signal at the new house, and rely on very, very poor internet service to get messages. Usually when we leave home our phones explode with notifications that weren't able to come through at home. This isn't so much an issue for Jon as he leaves the house every day but I can be home for days at a time!
My pregnancy has been anything but smooth. Just when I think I am doing so well something else comes up. Max has measured small the entire time, which isn't a surprise to me; neither Jon or I are very large statured people and Chase was always small as well. He's been proportionate and consistent in his growth, though, until this point. I hadn't gained anything in the last month. In fact, I lost nearly 10lbs. I mentioned it at my appointment Friday and my doctor suggested we just take a closer look at Max and take some measurements. We usually take a peek at him when they check cervical length but nothing in depth. His abdomen and femur measurements hadn't really changed in the last month, though his head is still measuring on track for his growth so far. There's just SO much room for error in these measurements. They can cause concern when there is none, be overlooked when there SHOULD be concern- you just don't know how accurate they may or may not be so the possibilities are endless. Down syndrome or other chromosome disorders have been mentioned. IUGR has been mentioned. I go back to MFM in Provo on Wednesday to maybe start getting some answers. Whatever we are looking at we will deal with, of course, but I don't think I will be at ease until we know a bit more about it. So, until Wednesday- we wait. And wait. And wait.
I'm enjoying life. I'm LIVING my life. I have things to look forward to and be excited about. I'm happy with that. Life never really slows down. Jon has mentioned several times he can't wait to just get "back to normal life" when this period of absolute chaos passes. Me? I'm not sure what "normal life" is because it seems like there's always something big going on. What is normal?