Sunday, September 8, 2013

When it Rains, it Pours

What a weekend.
Let me admit a few things about myself. Some of which are things I've just accepted are part of what make me me, and some of which are things I am making a conscious effort to work on and improve on a daily basis.
-I'm emotional, and I overwhelm easily. I don't like having a lot of obligations with set times on my agenda, and I don't like to have a lot of things going on at once. I like a slow paced day to day life, with plenty to do, but no harsh deadlines.
-I run hot. I tend to be quick to get frustrated/angry/annoyed at situations (seriously working on this...)
-I have a very difficult time with clutter and chaos. Clutter in my house clutters my brain, it makes it difficult for me to be productive or even think straight. It's a huge stress trigger, I've been known to just shut down and not even know where to start if my surroundings are too cluttered or plain chaotic. (I don't even know HOW to work on this)
-I'm super impatient. (working on it...)
-I really like things to be organized and planned. I can accept changes to the plan, but there always has to BE a plan.
-I too often worry about the acceptance of other people. It really upsets me when people are mad at me, especially people I care about. I also tend to take it too personally. (working on it...)
- I always feel like a huge inconvenience if I need help with anything, and don't like to take up other people's time.
-I'm not comfortable with most people. In fact, I really like to be left alone. Unless you're immediate family. It's not you, it's me. I'm socially inept.
-I'm pregnant, and for some reason, that means that ALL of the above seem to be completely magnified. ALL of them.

Now, knowing all that... let me tell you about my weekend.
 I'm having a really, really hard time with the fact that my dogs are boarding right now, I want them home so badly, but there's just nowhere for them to BE until some of these projects are completed. I feel like a bad breeder, a bad dog owner, a bad everything. I know my employees think I'm terrible for boarding them long-term, and I know they're a pain in the butt because they aren't "kennel dogs"... that's not their lifestyle. They are indoor, family dogs. That's what they're used to. I just feel such a sense of urgency to get them out of there, and so much guilt they are boarding in the first place. Plus, a TON of judgement.
It's really hard with me unable to do a ton of heavy lifting, and Jon working until 7pm most nights to make quick progress. I feel like we are just inching along at a snail's pace.  So, we had to suck it up and hire someone to get our fence done, or it was going to take us a seriously long time. It was supposed to be done this weekend, and ended up getting pushed until Tuesday for... I'm not even sure why. That was disappointing, though.
For the record, when my kitchen looks like this... it really makes me panic inside. 
Jon also took a half day at work Friday to have a few extra hours to work on the kitchen. Seriously, somehow tearing a kitchen apart has a way of putting an entire house into chaos. Jon's dad was awesome enough to come all the way up from Vegas for a day to help us get our teeth into the project. We got
everything ripped out, and ready for installing. Unfortunately, every step of the way things went haywire and we acquired a million little side projects we really had no way of planning on until we had everything taken out. I will do a whole post dedicated to the kitchen when it's done. It won't be done for a while...
So that really set off my stress level. I tried really hard to hold it together but I pretty much felt like I was on the verge of a total breakdown the entire time, every time some new surprise came up... I just wanted to cry. How are we going to deal with all this? I did have to hide in the bathroom and just sob a few times. I told Jon I was making an honest attempt to "hide my crazy" because I didn't want his family to think I'm a total whack job and all unstable and emotional.
After we got our to-do list settled for the next couple of days, and got Chuck and Rachel back on the road, Jon and I sat down to eat some lunch before getting back to work on the kitchen cabinets. We were talking about how much there is to do, and trying to budget our time. My stress level was high, I had done more lifting than I probably should, and having some pretty uncomfortable cramps and light bleeding, and we agreed that I could still help with everything, but I better not lift much anymore. It was nice to take a breather for a minute.
I glanced out the window and noticed some crazy fast moving clouds. I'd never seen anything like it before. Then in a matter of moments it got night-time dark (in the middle of the day) Before we knew it there was a crazy intense storm going on! Out of nowhere! Lightening, thunder, CRAZY wind, total downpour. Our lights were flickering, we were pretty sure they were going to go out. Thunder rolled... and rolled... and rolled... continually. And 30 minutes later it was over.
I didn't realize at the time just how bad it was. CostCo's parking lot was waist-deep in water, people's garages completely flooded several feet, my neighbors bringing buckets of water out of their homes, trees  fallen everywhere, trash, branches, patio furniture in the middle of the streets. I mean, obviously there's been way worse storms other places but for Utah County... it was pretty intense!
I went outside to get our trash cans, which had blown into the middle of the road (thank goodness trash day was yesterday and all the cans on our street were empty!) and that's when I noticed my favorite tree had been a victim of the storm. I was SUPER disappointed. This tree was so pretty- bright purple all summer, huge pink blossoms in the springtime, and just really pretty all year round. Plus, in the perfect spot that provided what little privacy we had to the backyard. It did some shingle and gutter damage to the roof, but nothing major, so we got lucky. It came pretty close. After a few minutes of being super upset over it, I accepted that it just was what it was and we'd deal with it. After all- there were a lot of people in the area in much worse shape. Disappointing, yes. Annoying, yes. Time consuming, yes. But we were all safe.
I looked at Jon, who is completely exhausted, and we accepted that this was another project to add to the list. -sigh- Another surprise. Another disappointment to add to the weekend. Another expense. Another stress. Why was this happening? Didn't God know I really was already at my breaking point for the weekend?!
My mom called to ask if she could borrow something for her California trip, and let me know she was in the area and could just swing by in a few moments to pick it up. I ran to the basement to grab it- and that's when I realized where my basement used to be, was now a swimming pool. Seriously?! Great. Now how in the Hell are we going to deal with THIS too.
Now let me tell you about this basement of mine.
Right after we moved in, the entire living room flooded. It was annoying, but the damage (other than the floor) was minimal, we fixed the problem, installed a while drain system my grandpa designed on that side yard, and it's never been a problem since.
Shortly after, we had a leaky pipe in the bathroom upstairs that made the entire bathroom and hallway downstairs flood. Again, carpet damaged, but we got lucky. Fixed that problem, no issues since.
Last year we had another pipe issue in the kitchen, and that flooded the cold storage room downstairs, all the way through another storage closet, down the hall. A little more damage this time, but nothing beyond repair. We dealt with it, no problems since.
This time it was coming in at the front bedroom. Pretty much the only room that HADN'T flooded before! And it was bad. There was so much water, the shop vac was no match, the carpet was done for. Mitch and Jon pulled it out, and by this time my mom had shown up and came with me to Ruff House to gather as many fans as we possibly could.
At the end of the night, Mitch and Jared, who both have busy lives of their own, families of their own, obligations of their own, were at my house until almost midnight dealing with the fallen tree and getting it cut up and taken out of the yard.
I couldn't be of much help to them, so I just left the house. I needed to just get away from the clutter, chaos, and destruction for a little bit and pretend my world wasn't falling apart. I talked to my sister, possibly had a crying meltdown when she asked me if I was OK. Somehow we got on the topic of peach  shakes from Taco Amigo and I decided I needed one. So I picked up two and headed to her house. I spent some time at Tanya's, and some time with my mom, and at the end of it all, I decided there simply has to be a bigger picture that I can't see right now. There has to be some kind of plan.
One thing is for sure: I'm glad I had no dogs in the yard when that tree went down. With as fast and hard as that storm rolled in, if my yard had been done on time like it was supposed to be, there's a good chance they'd have been out there for the beginning bit of it- which was the harshest part of the wind. I haven't found the possible blessing-in-disguise for the basement flooding, but I have to believe that there is one otherwise I feel too bitter and angry over it.
I'm really not sure how we will manage to deal with all the damages. Our budget is pretty strapped wish all the kitchen surprises, but I have to just trust it will work out, somehow. It just has to.
No matter what, though, I am so thankful for family. Without Chuck's help this weekend, we'd be so lost and confused on this kitchen project. Our lack of know-how would be slowing us down SO much it would never be done. And if Mitch and Jared hadn't selflessly come to help- even at a most inconvenient hour on a Saturday night when they BOTH had a million other things they could be doing for themselves- I'm not sure how long that tree would be sitting on my lawn. If Tanya and my mom hadn't been there for me I'd probably be checking into a crazy house right about now.
It makes me sad for the people who don't have that. What do you do without family? Who can you count on? Who comes to your house at midnight to cut up a tree just because it needs to be done? Who spends the afternoon helping rip out waterlogged, soggy carpet because it it more than a one-man job? Who drives six hours just to help renovate a kitchen without monetary compensation? Who lets you come over at midnight when you're leaving town in a few hours, just because you need to vent, and cry, and maybe hopefully laugh a little? Family. That's who.
Sometimes I look at the amazing people I'm blessed enough to call family and I'm not sure what I could have possibly done to deserve them. I feel often that I have so little to offer in return. They do so much more for Jon and I than we could ever do in return- we just don't have the skill/ know-how.

My point is: despite the overwhelming amount of things that went wrong this weekend, and despite the fact I really quite frankly have NO idea how we are doing to manage to remedy them all... it's OK. Because at the end of the day, even when it pours, we've got an amazing family to dance in the rain with. What more could we want?

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