Hello, huge reader base that I do not have! Ok, more accurately, hi, Tanya.
Trending this week on Facebook is one mom's blog post aimed at teenage girls. It's been shared, posted, and reposted a million times. I read it after seeing it for the millionth time, and while I completely agree with most of her thoughts, something about it super irked me and I couldn't quite put my finger on what, but I figured it out.
You can read the original post here.
Modesty. It's a choice I have made in my own personal life, for my own personal reasons. As a happily married woman, my body is in fact shared with my husband, and not the world because that's the choice that is right for me. I'd feel silly posting half naked photos of myself on the internet- not to mention the fact that no one wants to see that. Trust me. Other women might make other choices, for a whole array of other reasons... and at the end of the day, it's not for me to judge them. I do think a lot of it stems from insecurity, and vying for compliments and attention from whomever will give it to them. I only think this because I personally have been guilty of this in a past life, and that's why. Looking back, I feel silly over the types of pictures of myself I had on my old Facebook account. But, like I said. Past lifetime. Maybe some women post racy pictures because they simply look damn good and want to show it off! Whatever their reason- it's their reason, and their life, not mine.
But at the end of the day, who defines modesty? What, exactly, is a modest appearance? In some cultures, the simple act of women wearing pants is incredibly immodest. In some countries, women go topless and no one bats an eye. American culture is so sexualized... what is and isn't modest is simply a matter of opinion. I am a DD cup size, I'd have to wear turtlenecks to avoid any hint of cleavage on a daily basis. Am I immodest for not doing so? Heck. I skip a bra half the time, (sorry world, I don't really 'do' pain and discomfort in the name of fashion) does having nipples make me immodest?
Today, I stumbled across a response blog post. And it made me realize what it was about the first one that bothered me so much.
You can read the response post here.
Accountability. That's what the first post forgot. At the end of the day, no matter what the teenage girls are wearing, those boys are still accountable for their thoughts and actions. You can not hide your children from the world. I say this as someone who DOES believe in a clear cut right and wrong in most cases. But I do not believe in imposing MY idea of right and wrong on the lives of everyone around me.
I've noticed this trend, particularly in Christian (and especially UTAH Mormon) culture, of blaming the girls for the boy's thoughts and actions. Let me be clear, I DO intend to raise my daughters with a sense of modesty, to help them understand the messages that they might be sending with how they dress and present themselves, because that is what I believe in. But never would I raise my sons to believe that a female who dresses a certain way does not deserve every ounce of their respect as any other.
Boys and men are not a poor defenseless species unable to be held accountable for their own thoughts and actions. Women's bodies are sexualized for marketing left and right. You can not turn on a TV, walk through a shopping mall, drive down the freeway, or really even step out your front door without seeing examples of it anymore. I'm not saying that makes it ok, but what I'm saying is rather than attempting the impossible task of making sure your boys are never, ever exposed to a revealing photo of the female body, perhaps parents should spend more time teaching their sons the reasons that some women might make those choices, and that how a woman dresses is no excuse to objectify her. I hope that Chase will be respectful of ALL women, not just those who make choices that are directly in line with his beliefs.
Shame. I can't help but wonder, when we make such accusations (girls being held responsible for the thoughts and actions of boys...) what messages we are sending. Body shaming is a huge problem in our culture right now. As if there weren't enough women facing body image issues, now we are praised for teaching our girls that any female who shows more of her body than we deem appropriate is a "slut" "skank" "whore" etc. Then proceed to encourage them to cover up, head to toe, that our bodies are something to be ashamed of. We raise our men to think that any woman exposing whatever we have deemed to be "too much" skin is some kind of tramp that is not deserving of their respect, or even their civil attention. I like to think there's a happy medium. I like to think that it's possible to raise girls with a sense of modesty, whatever that word means in your home, AND possible to raise boys who are still respectful of women who might make different choices, who are accountable for their own actions. We see it all the time in the news, "female assaulted/ raped/ etc. while walking home" and then the comments pour in... "She had it coming, her skirt is too short." "Maybe if she didn't want it she should have covered up." "If she had just covered up it wouldn't have happened." It is disgusting that our culture holds one accountable for another's actions... as if the male involved had no choice. Pathetic. Disgusting.
MY OPINION is that bodies aren't something to be ashamed of, and every inch does not need to be objectified and sexualized to the point men are given a "free pass" to lose control at a moment's glimpse of too much skin. Give your sons more credit than that. Raise them to be accountable for themselves. You do not have to AGREE with someone's choices to accept their right to make them. You can raise your children with whatever set of moral and religious values you want, without teaching them to shame others who think/believe/feel/act differently.
Look at our world today. Look at the war, the destruction, the hate, the crime. Look at all the hurt caused, the lives taken too soon, the violence. At the end of the day, can't you just smile and nod at the woman walking down the street, no matter how tight her top is, or how short her skirt is, without worrying that your sons are going to loose all self control? She's a person. Just like you. And do we really need more negative energy to go around? Why does HAVING moral and religious beliefs give people a free pass to push them onto everyone else. Free agency. We all have it. In fact, from a religious standpoint- it's a key element to this whole plan. So why then can we simply not live and let live when others actually choose to use theirs?
Trending this week on Facebook is one mom's blog post aimed at teenage girls. It's been shared, posted, and reposted a million times. I read it after seeing it for the millionth time, and while I completely agree with most of her thoughts, something about it super irked me and I couldn't quite put my finger on what, but I figured it out.
You can read the original post here.
Modesty. It's a choice I have made in my own personal life, for my own personal reasons. As a happily married woman, my body is in fact shared with my husband, and not the world because that's the choice that is right for me. I'd feel silly posting half naked photos of myself on the internet- not to mention the fact that no one wants to see that. Trust me. Other women might make other choices, for a whole array of other reasons... and at the end of the day, it's not for me to judge them. I do think a lot of it stems from insecurity, and vying for compliments and attention from whomever will give it to them. I only think this because I personally have been guilty of this in a past life, and that's why. Looking back, I feel silly over the types of pictures of myself I had on my old Facebook account. But, like I said. Past lifetime. Maybe some women post racy pictures because they simply look damn good and want to show it off! Whatever their reason- it's their reason, and their life, not mine.
But at the end of the day, who defines modesty? What, exactly, is a modest appearance? In some cultures, the simple act of women wearing pants is incredibly immodest. In some countries, women go topless and no one bats an eye. American culture is so sexualized... what is and isn't modest is simply a matter of opinion. I am a DD cup size, I'd have to wear turtlenecks to avoid any hint of cleavage on a daily basis. Am I immodest for not doing so? Heck. I skip a bra half the time, (sorry world, I don't really 'do' pain and discomfort in the name of fashion) does having nipples make me immodest?
Today, I stumbled across a response blog post. And it made me realize what it was about the first one that bothered me so much.
You can read the response post here.
Accountability. That's what the first post forgot. At the end of the day, no matter what the teenage girls are wearing, those boys are still accountable for their thoughts and actions. You can not hide your children from the world. I say this as someone who DOES believe in a clear cut right and wrong in most cases. But I do not believe in imposing MY idea of right and wrong on the lives of everyone around me.
I've noticed this trend, particularly in Christian (and especially UTAH Mormon) culture, of blaming the girls for the boy's thoughts and actions. Let me be clear, I DO intend to raise my daughters with a sense of modesty, to help them understand the messages that they might be sending with how they dress and present themselves, because that is what I believe in. But never would I raise my sons to believe that a female who dresses a certain way does not deserve every ounce of their respect as any other.
Boys and men are not a poor defenseless species unable to be held accountable for their own thoughts and actions. Women's bodies are sexualized for marketing left and right. You can not turn on a TV, walk through a shopping mall, drive down the freeway, or really even step out your front door without seeing examples of it anymore. I'm not saying that makes it ok, but what I'm saying is rather than attempting the impossible task of making sure your boys are never, ever exposed to a revealing photo of the female body, perhaps parents should spend more time teaching their sons the reasons that some women might make those choices, and that how a woman dresses is no excuse to objectify her. I hope that Chase will be respectful of ALL women, not just those who make choices that are directly in line with his beliefs.
Shame. I can't help but wonder, when we make such accusations (girls being held responsible for the thoughts and actions of boys...) what messages we are sending. Body shaming is a huge problem in our culture right now. As if there weren't enough women facing body image issues, now we are praised for teaching our girls that any female who shows more of her body than we deem appropriate is a "slut" "skank" "whore" etc. Then proceed to encourage them to cover up, head to toe, that our bodies are something to be ashamed of. We raise our men to think that any woman exposing whatever we have deemed to be "too much" skin is some kind of tramp that is not deserving of their respect, or even their civil attention. I like to think there's a happy medium. I like to think that it's possible to raise girls with a sense of modesty, whatever that word means in your home, AND possible to raise boys who are still respectful of women who might make different choices, who are accountable for their own actions. We see it all the time in the news, "female assaulted/ raped/ etc. while walking home" and then the comments pour in... "She had it coming, her skirt is too short." "Maybe if she didn't want it she should have covered up." "If she had just covered up it wouldn't have happened." It is disgusting that our culture holds one accountable for another's actions... as if the male involved had no choice. Pathetic. Disgusting.
MY OPINION is that bodies aren't something to be ashamed of, and every inch does not need to be objectified and sexualized to the point men are given a "free pass" to lose control at a moment's glimpse of too much skin. Give your sons more credit than that. Raise them to be accountable for themselves. You do not have to AGREE with someone's choices to accept their right to make them. You can raise your children with whatever set of moral and religious values you want, without teaching them to shame others who think/believe/feel/act differently.
Look at our world today. Look at the war, the destruction, the hate, the crime. Look at all the hurt caused, the lives taken too soon, the violence. At the end of the day, can't you just smile and nod at the woman walking down the street, no matter how tight her top is, or how short her skirt is, without worrying that your sons are going to loose all self control? She's a person. Just like you. And do we really need more negative energy to go around? Why does HAVING moral and religious beliefs give people a free pass to push them onto everyone else. Free agency. We all have it. In fact, from a religious standpoint- it's a key element to this whole plan. So why then can we simply not live and let live when others actually choose to use theirs?
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