Wednesday, January 23, 2013


It's 2013.
I was born in 1989, that was 24 years ago.
I was baptized in 1997, that was 16 years ago.
I started high school in 2003, that was 10 years ago.
I graduated high school in 2007, that was 6 years ago.
I moved to Utah and got married in 2009, that was 4 years ago.
We bought our business in 2010, that was 3 years ago.
We ought our first house in 2011, that was 2 years ago.
I had back surgery in 2012, that was 1 year ago.

It really puts certain things into perspective when it's laid out like that. I mean, the amount of time that seems to go by without even noticing... it's crazy. All of these milestones seem to come and go and it's not until you take time to sit and reflect on them that we realize just how much has been going on. But that's not the point. The point is moving forward... to the future.

I did a lot of soul searching this year, particularly towards the end of the year. I mean, really deeply searching for exactly what it is I want out of life, and not what everyone else wants for me. I'm a people pleaser, and I have this awful habit of doing things to make OTHER people happy, even when it makes me miserable. It took leaving Utah behind for a month to realize the things that are important and what kind of life I want. I've come to three conclusions:

  1. I love Jon. (well... maybe that's obvious) I mean, we drive each other crazy sometimes, and we've only been married for three years and STILL have a lot of learning and growing to do.. but I want o do it together. He's accepted me for me, despite my five billion mistakes and flaws, and that's pretty.... special. 
  2. I love Danes. (OK... perhaps another obvious.) They'll be a part of me and my life forever. But, I do *NOT* love the "dog community" and I do not love the judgement that comes along with having a breeding program. I'm not going to give it up, but... I'm not so sure that moving forward I'm going to involve myself in this community so much. I think one litter per year and focusing more on my life outside of the dogs, and less on networking and discussing with other "dog people" is a healthier choice. Don't get me wrong, I love love love our puppy buyers... but the ignorance, greed, judgement, and hate that resides in all the die-hard dog folks online... well, I'm over it. 
  3. I love family. Family means so much to me, and no matter hoe many times I decide to move away, I feel like I always ache to come back. I do NOT love Utah. I really don't love Orem... but I hate being away from family. There are a few technically non-related people I include when I say the word family... Becki, Natalie, Jon.... friends like that are rare. They're family that CHOOSE to be family. That's special. 
There are so many things taken completely for granted, so many details overlooked. SO often we don't realize what's important until it's too late. I'm glad I took some time to soul search this year, and put everything back into perspective. 

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