Magical Weekend

Thanks to the incredible generosity of Jon's family, we were able to take Chase on his first Disneyland vacation this weekend. We had so much fun. I was a little worried about how he would do on the flights since we have never flown with him and road trips so far have not exactly been smooth sailing, but he did surprisingly well. We made it both there and back without wanting to crawl into a dark hole and disappear, so we have dubbed it a success. Really, can you hope for much more than that with a one year old? I think not.
We got to our hotel pretty late Thursday night. By the time we got checked in and settled in our room it was 2am. All three of us were tired, cranky, and so hungry. Chase was absolutely beside himself with the over stimulation of travel and then being greeted by enthusiastic family members. The second he was in our quiet room, he snuggled right down to sleep. Thank goodness.
Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday we played at both Disneyland parks. Chase was a little tired each day because he never sleeps as well away from home. Considering he was teething as well (One actually cut Saturday. Poor boy.)
He really did have a fun weekend and for the most part liked all the rides- some more than others. He actually really liked the Haunted House, the Little Mermaid, and Pirates of the Caribbean probably the most. He didn't like Toy Story or Dumbo. I think he did pretty darn good. Despite the distance between us, Chase took right to his Aunt Rachel and his Grandma. It was like they'd been around all along. I'm so glad- it's so important to me that he knows *both* sides of his family and how very loved he is. The proximity to my family makes that easy, but it takes a little more effort to know that we are closing the gaps on the other end to make up for the distance. This weekend reassured me just fine he's not forgetting anyone.
I was able to meet up with an old friend for a couple of hours one of the days as well and it was so nice to catch up, It really got me reflecting on friendship, what it means to me, and who matters... but that's a whole different post for a different day. (Perhaps coming soon!)
We were far from ready to come home and get back to reality. Grandpa always said it was best to end a vacation while it's still fun so you can't wait to go back again. We definitely did that. It's funny how living in San Diego my whole life, Disneyland just kind of lost its charm and wasn't all that exciting. Then we moved away and Jon and I have made one trip back (excluding this one) and it was more fun than when I lived there. It's also kind of funny how I really, truly, do *NOT* miss living in San Diego. For real, I will never even consider moving back, no way. But a part of me gets a little excited to take Chase for a visit- just to show him where I grew up. Not that it's all that important but still. He changes everything, and for the better. I love this little boy so much.

Now, experiencing the park with my own little one and watching the magic and wonder in his eyes as he took in all the sights, people, and characters brought a whole new level of magic to the experience. Now we are trying to figure out how we can possibly slip another trip (or two?!) into the budget this year. Probably not a realistic goal but hey, we can dream can't we?!
We are so thankful that this trip was even possible. It would not have happened on our own. Not. At. All. We really do just have the most incredible family.
I feel like I got just a little bit closer with Jon's family this trip. I'm not sure what set it apart than any other trip really, but it was so much more comfortable to me. Perhaps I've let my guard down just a little? I don't know. I tend to not let people in very easily, I suppose a product of feeling rejected by certain people in the past a part of me figures if I never let people in in the first place they can never reject me! But that's not really living. And I feel like now, finally, at 25 years old, I'm starting to let myself be closer to people. Quality people.

New Near, New Goals

A new year always brings with it a fresh spark of motivation to focus on personal development and making wanted changes. 2014 brought with it so much unexpected heartache and hurdles, we are optimistic as we look forward to a progressive 2015. But listing resolutions and reaching them are two completely different stories, and we have our eyes set on some pretty ambitious goals this year. I am a little concerned we are aiming too high and may set ourselves up for failure but at the same time when I look at the things we have managed to accomplish together already, I am convinced we can do anything we set our minds to together.
Jon and I sat down yesterday and literally made PAGES of goals for the year. We made a handful of long-term goals and then listed ways we can work towards achieving them, both together and individually. I am excited to work on this. We bought a white board that we are going to hang in the dining room, where we can see it as we sit to dinner every night as a family and keep our goals fresh in the forefront of our minds. We both do pretty well with list-type systems and I'm hoping that this proactive approach to reaching our long-term goals will help keep us on track this year.
I listed the couple of long-term goals we have chosen to focus on first, and then we have a few tasks we can do each week to work towards them. We have always been pretty good at regularly regrouping and having a "family meeting" to discuss what needs to be done but since we don't put it in writing a lot of things get missed. We plan to use this board to prevent that.
This week:

1. Long Term Goal: Purge
1. Go through all upstairs bedrooms
2. Organize "to-sell" piles garage sale style in the basement
3. Sell 5 items
2. Long Term Goal: Emergency Preparedness
1. Inventory food storage with expiration dates 
3. Long Term Goal: Budget
1. NO fast food stops
2. NO unplanned/ impulse spending
3. $25 grocery budget
4. Make a list of ALL monthly expenses

The grocery budget may seem extreme for three people for one week, but it's to help us clear some stuff out that's either been in the pantry or freezer too long so we can eliminate food waste. Really, there's no reason we shouldn't be able to go one week spending NOTHING on groceries, but I wanted to leave a little wiggle room to pick up things to complete meals. $15 of the $25 is spent on our produce basket from the co op we participate in. I see stir fry in the future. This goal list is for Saturday through Friday, and then we will keep our same categories, but list new ways to work towards them. 

I also listed on our board the tasks that seem to get forgotten that really need to be done on a more regular basis, such as de-cluttering and vacuuming our vehicles, properly filing all bills, invoices, and other paperwork, and a couple of other basic things that seem to get easily put off longer than they should. 

I think what it comes down to, mostly, is just time management. We are awful at it and both tend to have some lazy habits. I really think if we can be more disciplined in budgeting our time a lot of things will ultimately fall into place as a result. 

Another thing we are working towards, which I never thought I'd do but.... I have decided it's time to get Chase weaned. We desperately want to add to our family, and feel strongly this is a vital part of doing so. He is down to only nursing at night to fall asleep, through the night, and once in the early morning. We are moving him to a mattress on our floor because it has been very frustrating for him to be so close to me all night and not have nursing time. I'm hoping that he takes it not too hard. I have every intention of keeping him close and not pushing him out of our room until he wants to. Truthfully, cosleeping has worked beautifully for us, and I'd have no,problems continuing indefinitely if I felt it was possible to do so AND night wean.  He will continue to get breast milk for several more months thanks to my massive freezer stash. We had a very early pregnancy loss this month, which we confirmed at the doctor this last week and while we are both feeling heartbroken over it, we are being proactive. Thankfully my doctor took one look at our difficulties with conceiving and said she is not going to make us wait the usual 12+ months of actively TTC before doing clomid, and she will write a RX for it as soon as I'm done nursing. My goal is by the end of the month. We'll see. 

Learning to Savor the Now

2014 is coming to an end. I can't quite figure out how I feel about this year. On one hand it has been the absolute hardest of my life and I have found myself questioning time and time again exactly HOW much God expects us to deal with before we completely break. On the other hand, I look back and I think of all the good, amazing things that have happened and I am overwhelmed with a flood of gratitude in my heart.
I've learned in this crazy roller coaster that we call life we have no choice but to accept the good with the bad. It's not always easy. Sometimes it even feels a bit unfair. But in the end it all amounts to be the same thing: life.
This was my first full year navigating my new role of mother, What a ride. I truly feel this is my calling in life and I pray that we will be able to continue to add to our little family, hopefully sooner rather than later. Jon and I have always had a home bursting with life as we have thrown ourselves into our breeding program, but Chase has brought a joy to our home we never even knew was possible.
He has come so far since his traumatic entrance into this world at an itty bitty 2lbs 9oz. As much as I'd love to take credit for his progress, he is undoubtedly his own person. I'm not sure what on Earth I did to deserve this sweet boy in my life but I am immensely and eternally thankful for him. He teaches me every day. Sometimes I feel under-qualified for this role. How can someone as simple as myself possibly teach him all he needs to know and give him all he needs to have? But on a constant basis I am reminded that I am not in this alone. We have an incredible family and support system there every step of the way. He is coming along just fine. He is delayed in some motor skills, as many preemies are. He is almost 15 months old. He is not crawling yet and only recently started army crawling. He is not walking yet but can cruise furniture with the best of them. He does not say words, but it is so very clear that he understands so much about the world around him and is so responsive. He will do all he needs to in his own time. Life is not a race, and he is teaching me how to slow down and just enjoy the ride. Someday he will walk, and talk and I will miss this time to just let him be a baby. Someday he will flash his grin my way and his sweet dimples will be hidden beneath a 5 o'clock shadow and I will wonder where the time went.
I am guilty of being caught up in my own rat race. It's not that I feel I must compete with those around me- I dropped out of that race a long time ago. I am a planner by nature and often times find myself so focused on the future that I lose sight of the now.
Losing Grandpa Albert this year was a blow I could not even fathom before. I have never felt a loss so deeply or had a void so gaping and empty before. He has been a pillar of light and knowledge in my life since the beginning. His influence and example bleed into every corner of my life. I've lost loved ones before, but never someone so present in my life. Every memory, every birthday, Christmas, Summer vacation, baptism, wedding.... everything that ever happened in our family, there he is. Not having him here in the flesh is honestly something that even now, seven months later feels foreign. I believe that this loss is one that we will never truly go back from. Things will never be the same but we are discovering a new normal. I feel his influence so strongly, possibly even stronger than when he was here with us. It has brought a new perspective on death and the eternal plan.
Yes, no doubt 2014 has been a roller coaster. It has brought the highest highs and the lowest lows my life has ever experienced. Through all the pain, the sorrow, the laughter, the smiles, the ache, and the joy one thing has never wavered and that is my love and appreciation for my family. I know everyone thinks their family is just the greatest but mine really is. For real. I look at all we've been through, all the tests and trials and nothing means more to me than not even having to question if I have their love and support. I don't know how people even make it though life without that. I have such a wonderful husband whose patience knows no bounds. We celebrated five years of marriage this month. He's put up with me for FIVE years! But even beyond Jon and Chase, my siblings, my mom, my grandma... they mean the world to me and there's no one I'd rather spend my time with.
So, I'm looking forward to 2015. I have high hopes for the next year. I am sure it will bring with it its own set of trials and triumphs. One thing I know for sure, is who will be standing with me in the end.

Teachers in Life

I believe we are all teachers and students in life. We learn from those around us and are generally unaware of how much we teach in return. Jon and I have learned a few things from each other over the last (almost) 6 years. I'm an awesome teacher *cue sarcasm* and sometimes wonder how Jon ever got by without me! (Okay, truthfully I'm just really darn lucky that he puts up with my super weird self.)

What I've Taught my Husband
* There absolutely is a right and wrong way to vacuum, and the lines left on the floor make or break it. They matter. In fact, if the lines are wrong, you might as well not even vacuum.
* Socks are indeed monogamous creatures. Even after several trips through the laundry through wear and tear and stains, with a little help they can find their original mate again. Promiscuity among socks is completely unacceptable.
* "whites" and "colors" are only the tip of the iceberg, laundry must be sorted down WAY beyond that. There's blacks/ dark blues, then there's reds/pinks/orange, whites, garments (they're separate. Always) lights (light grey. beige) and depending on the lot, there may be more. And never, under any circumstances, do towels get washed with clothes.
* There is a whole world of cheese out there beyond cheddar and mozzarella. We have had many lessons around the Harmon's cheese counter, and probably spent a small fortune in the process.
* Dishwashers are really just a formality. Dishes should be scrubbed completely clean by hand (with soap. and the only acceptable kind is blue Dawn.) rinsed well, and THEN put through the machine. Then put away.
* Gravy is not ever made from something in a packet. Ever. There is absolutely no excuse for such abominations.
* One does not simply go to CostCo "just to grab one thing" ever.


Really, it's only after you live with someone that you learn how weird YOU really are. I was horrified when Jon tried to put presents under our tree early one year, I mean who DOES that?! Doesn't the whole world know the must go under late Christmas Eve!? It's funny how when two worlds collide you discover that no, the whole universe does not do things exactly the same.

5 Years and Counting

December is such a magical time. I just love the holiday season, I always have. I guess it should be no surprise that our wedding anniversary falls into this time of the year as well. On Dec. 18th Jon and I celebrated five years of marriage together. I look back and seriously can not believe the things our marriage has withstood. Indeed we have had our share of trials, but with each other I am convinced we can get through absolutely anything. My heart is filled with gratitude and warmth when I think of the people we have in our lives who have taught us so much and lead by example. Grandparents, parents, siblings. We would not be the people we are now if it weren't for the people in our lives. I am thankful to have such fabulous family, both mine AND Jon's, who have supported us along the way.
We have been through a lot these last five years. No doubt we have seen our fair share of highs and lows and then some! We have moved several times, both in and out of state. We've ventured into business ownership without a clue as to what we are doing. We've had pets. We've had a son who spent two months in NICU. This year Jon supported me through the greatest loss my heart has ever felt when we lost Grandpa in May.
But here we are, together. And we've learned so much about each other, about life, about everything. I could not be more thankful to have such a wonderful man in my life. Jon truly lives a life of service and he is one of the most respectable, inspiring people I am privileged to know. And what a fabulous daddy he is to our little Chase. I love him more and more every day. There's no one else I'd rather take on eternity with.

Won't Give It Up. Will Not.

Jon and I live a pretty reasonably healthy lifestyle. This means taking many elements of daily life into our own hands and making choices that might be against the mainstream. I don't think everything we do is right, but it's right for us and that's what matters. 

Nutrition is very important to both of us, and we take our health pretty seriously. I started making our food a priority before I ever got pregnant with Chase, and then it just got bumped that much further up the list when we got that positive pregnancy test. 

Animal ethics also rank pretty high in our home. I am not opposed to eating meat at all. I LOVE me some steak, dangit. My kid is practically a carnivore. We also seem to eat a lot of dairy. Cheese and yogurt particularly, but also milk and ice cream. Because, yum. But how the animals are raised and treated is really important to us. Their quality of life matters and in many ways impacts the nutritional value of the food, anyway. 

We also try to a avoid harsh chemicals when realistic and tend to lean towards more alternative medicines, cleaning products, and solutions. 

Reusable products are also big in our house. From shopping bags to diapers to unpaper towels to ziplock bags, we opt for reusable/ washable versions almost every time. I feel a responsibility to do what little I can to cut back on the waste. 

Yes, many of our choices have labeled us "crunchy" but there are just a few things I am not willing to give up. So this is me, turning in my crunchy card. 

1. Tide. I'm borderline obsessed with Tide. I love how well it works, I REALLY love the smell. I intentionally use too much and never extra rinse, because I want to smell it all day. Yes, it's a chemical concoction that is probably slowly killing us all. I guess I could start cleaning with borax and lemon juice and hope for the best, but I never will. I even clean my living room rug with it. Hi, my name is Linsey and I am a Tide junkie. This isn't even a new thing. I remember when I was younger shopping with my mom I'd love to go down the laundry detergent aisle and sniiiiiiiif. Nothing has changed, except the addition of Downy Unstoppables, which also rank pretty high on my list. Little chemical beads that smell like happiness. Speaking of Downy... dryer sheets. No such thing as too many. 

2. CheezIts. We spend a good chunk on groceries every month. Raw whole milk, organic cheese, pasture raised eggs, local pasture raised meats, organic produce. But among the lentil chips and organic rice in the pantry, you will also find a CostCo sized box of bright orange artificial squares of cheesy cracker goodness. I will not stop. 

3. Buying new clothes. I know, thrifting is all the rage, and oh so eco friendly. I have bought plenty of things used, from furniture (I looooooove my old school hutch, even if it is still empty because I have no actual use for it) to cloth diapers, to a diaper bag. I did buy one pair of jeans secondhand. But, I can't bring myself to dig through the thrift store racks of clothes. I like the organized and uniform shopping experience of new clothes from stores I like. I've never been one to care about name brand this and that but I find my taste in clothes is quite specific and though I could care less about what's 'in style' I do know what I like and where to get it. 

4. Family cloth. (cloth toilet paper) It's a crunchy thing, and I will not conform! I am so on board with cloth diapers, and even 'mama cloth' but I draw the line at adult poop. I won't do it now. I won't do it later. I won't do it ever. No thank you, there's Charmin for that in this house. 

So that's it. I am turning in my crunchy card, because I can not give up my mainstream tastes and preferences. I am going to do sit on my bed, which smells strongly of Tide, feed my kid some CheezIts (because, yum) and take inventory of my DoTERRA bag, because I know I'm low on several. I am indeed a walking contradiction. 

A Month of Gratitude

For the month of November, I have participated in the 30 days of thanks, posting each day something I am thankful for. The month isn't over yet, so not all of these have made it on my wall, and I will continue to do so through the end of the month, but I wanted to compile my list here, too. I think it's important to reflect on the things we are thankful for on a regular basis. I know that literally counting and listing my blessings, naming them one by one as the song goes, has helped me get back to a positive outlook on more than one occasion.

I am guilty of falling into negative thoughts fairly easily. I sometimes get bitter than Jon is away so much when really I should be thankful he has a job and is so willing to work hard to support us. I sometimes get overwhelmed at the task of unpacking and moving back into our home when really I should be expressing gratitude that we have everything we need AND a place to call home. I sometimes feel angry at the NICU related bills that have flooded our mailbox this year, when really I am so thankful for my little miracle boy. Negative thoughts come easy to me, I am not an optimist by nature and it's something within myself that I have to constantly work on.
Day 1: I am thankful for my affection and passion for dogs. It is through that interest that I have met some if my dearest friends in my adult life. My dogs, particularly the Danes, have brought me in contact with some pretty incredible people. From the breeders who have helped me along the way, to the ones I've simply looked up to from afar, to the people we have placed puppies with, to enthusiasts of other breeds. When I rattle through the list of "folks I like a lot" aside from family, nearly ALL of them I met because of a common love of canines. It's been a blessing in my life, no doubt. The dog community can be brutal. Nasty. Judgemental. But for me, it's brought precious gems into my life I can't imagine being without. New friendships and old, they wouldn't be mine without that common ground. For someone who has a pretty tough time relating to people, that's priceless. 

Day 2: I am thankful for modern technology that make fulfilling my designated role in our family easier. I can't imagine doing my mountains of laundry by hand all the time, and am even spoiled enough to not be able to imagine life without a dishwasher. These seem like such simple things, and in today's world are, but I'm thankful they allow me to spend more time doing things I love. 
Confession: I enjoy doing laundry.

Day 3: I am thankful for Ben & Jerry's cake batter ice cream. And that's all I've got to say about that.

Day 4: I'm thankful for my house. It isn't anything special. It's old, it needs a lot of work, but it's home. It's where I put my son to sleep each night, it's where my family comes together each night to recharge to face the world again tomorrow. It is my safe zone, my space. I'm thankful for these old walls.

Day 5: I'm thankful for Jon's job. Not only for the obvious income it provides, but that he's actually doing something he really enjoys and the flexibility it has given him. I was skeptical to say the least when he took the job but remained supportive. I am thankful that in the economy we have, he has been able to move forward and up in his career path.

Day 6: I am thankful for good music that helps me get my butt in gear and be productive when really all I want to do is lay on the couch and watch chickens explore the back yard. Kenny chesney and blake shelton will get me through this just-wanna-be-lazy day.

Day 7: I am thankful for my car, I can not imagine not having my own reliable transportation and truthfully have never had that inconvenience in my adult life. 

Day 8: I am thankful for my property. It's not much, just a 1/4 acre corner postage stamp smack in the middle of town, but it is ours. We have molded it into what works for us: a yard for the dogs, a chicken run, a yard for us, a big garden. we grow our food on this property. We make memories here. We are raising our family, two legged and four legged alike. In a world so many live without even a roof over their head I recognized how blessed to have that AND ground to use.

Day 9: I am thankful to live in the proximity to my family that we do. I do not love Utah County. Heck, I do not love Utah... , but for as long as family is here, this is home and I embrace it. (though I can not deny a chunk of my heart will always long for N. Idaho. 

Day 10: I am thankful for my chickens! Entertainment and eggs. Though... one is a rooster and soon I will indeed rip his head off when he starts making noise. But don't let that fool you, I like him.

Day 11: I am thankful for my bed, and the mere fact that I am blessed and lucky enough to have a safe cozy place to sleep each night. 

Day 12: I am thankful for Facebook and how easy it makes it to keep contact with our Dane family. I love to watch them settle into their families and be adored and loved. 

Day 13: I'm thankful for my holiday decorations and the simple joy they bring to my home. 

Day 14: I am thankful for my genuine love of cooking. Even if I didn't love it, I would still prepare healthy meals to nourish my family but it's quite convenient that I enjoy it so much. Even if I'm not great at it. 

Day 15: I am thankful for soft water. Perhaps it falls under the category of simple pleasures but it's something I appreciate. And so does my hair. And my plumbing. And my appliances.

Day 16: I am thankful to live in a place that going to church is as simple as walking less than a block, where many travel great distances every Sunday.

Day 17: in light of World Prematurity Day, I am thankful for the team of NICU nurses, doctors, and specialists that kept Chase safe and progressing during our two month stay last year. 

Day 18: I'm thankful to have incredible examples of motherhood around me, and to call so many of them family. Spent the day with Tanya, Grandma, and Sharlyn yesterday doing nothing important or exciting and yet, it was a great day. They are just three of the many amazing women in my life but quality time with them makes ME a better wife and mother, and I am thankful for that. 

Day 19: I am thankful for Tide. Yup. Tide.

Day 20: Jon asked me to make a wishlist on Amazon for Christmas shopping. I'm sitting here and truthfully.... there's not one thing I need. I'm in purging mode, getting rid of things left and right and I just have no need or want for anything. I am thankful to have the things I need to adequately care for my family in a time many do not. 
Well. Except I can always use more cloth diapers for Chase, right?

Day 21: I'm thankful to have the family that I do. It's special. Yes, we get angry sometimes and have small disagreements but never in my lifetime has there been a family feud. We don't stop talking to each other, or pick sides, or get ugly with one another. I thought family drama was something in movies until I realized how very special it is that not once has mine ever turned their backs on one another over a disagreement. Ever. 
Family is all you can truly rely on and I can't think of a better one to be a part of.

Day 22: our economy is not so hot lately. I'm thankful for Jon's jobs. Sometimes I get grumpy because he's gone so much but truthfully I recognized how blessed that he even has not one but two jobs to help support our little family.

Day 23: I am thankful for delicious home cooked food. We had Thanksgiving dinner as a family last night at my Grandma's last night, and I can't help but think my family's food is just a little more delicious than everyone else's. Ok, a lot.

Day 24: as we go into Thanksgiving week I can't help but feel it appropriate to recognize some of the absolute MOST important people in my life. 
Starting with my husband Jon. I don't know how I got so lucky to have the unconditional love of such a respectable, amazing man. I met Jon at a turning point in my life, and he accepted me and my past without judgement. Even from the beginning before we had the history to hold us together he was patient while I pieced my life back together. Every single day he makes me want to be a better person and doesn't give up on me when I make mistakes. Our marriage has been through more bumps than anyone realizes and I'm convinced that together we can get through absolutely anything. Of all the things in this world, of all the things I have listed this month, there is nothing I am more thankful for than the dedication of my eternal companion. I love you, Jonathan Lanman.

Day 25: Over the course of this week I'm recognizing with gratitude some of the people in my life that have been most influential to me. I can not dream up a better mother if I tried. When I think of all I put my mother through, it is truly a wonder how she managed to not ever give up on me. She's been through more than anyone I know, and is one of the strongest, most beautiful women inside and out than I've ever met. We did not always have a close relationship, and it makes me sad to think of the years I missed out on that because of my own selfishness and attitude. But now, she's truly one of my very best friends and there's few people whose company I enjoy so much. 

Day 26: I can not even put into words how much I love my siblings. I am thankful for the role they have played in my life, and I am endlessly thankful for the friendships I have with them now. When I hear of people who "haven't spoken to their brother(s)/sister(s) in years" it truly boggles my mind. We've been through some pretty tough stuff together, but even in my darkest days I've ALWAYS known I could count on these three incredible people. And it's not just a generic "yay for siblings" I am thankful to have the EXACT ones I do.
Tanya, is undoubtedly one of the most giving people on this planet. Her generosity and willingness to serve those around her is inspirational. Her home is bursting with love and you can truly FEEL it when you walk in the door. She's one of very few people who asks how you're doing, and genuinely cares to hear the answer. I aspire to be a little more like her. 
Shelly embodies nearly every trait I wish to foster in myself. I watch in awe as she stands strong for her family. I don't know how she does it with such little help and so far away. She's an amazing wife, mother, and friend to all those around her. So very talented, and so beautiful in so many ways. I have always admired and looked up to her, even as a kid but moreso now. 
Mitch will never know what an anchor he is in my life. Even when I was the screwed up teenager I was, I could always turn to my big brother. Now in my adult life, when things go wrong or we need help with something he's one of the first people I can call. I'm so thankful for his influence, I'm thankful that he's always been so honest with me, he can tell it to me like it is and I still know he loves me. Yes, I am thankful for my brother. 

Day 27: Happy Thanksgiving. As I reflect on the meaning of this lifetime, and our purpose here, my heart is filled with gratitude for perhaps the MOST consistent positive influence in my life: my grandparents. He's not with my family in the flesh today, but I know Grandpa Albert is so very close, and I am so thankful to have my sweet Grandma here with us still. When I think of my most cherished memories growing up, they are right there in the middle of them all. Oh how I always looked forward to Summertime when we would spend weeks and months at a time with them, I will never forget the excitement I felt when I'd be sitting in class and hear the recognizable horn of the motor home as they'd roll past, letting us know they were here, and we'd literally run the whole mile home to see them after school. When my life his ROCK BOTTOM in 2009, I showed up on their doorstep after years of pushing them away, drinking, substance abuse, promiscuity, and do you know what they did? They took me in. They lifted me up. They opened their home and hearts to me and helped me rebuild myself and my life. I knew they would, I knew I could count on them. They're just that kind of people. Albert and Billie don't just believe in the gospel, they live it. Their marriage is beautiful, and such a shining example to everyone around them. I have absolutely no doubt that my life would be nowhere near as joyful as it is without their guidance, example, and love. 

Day 28: It's no secret, family is so important to me. I am so blessed. I am thankful that after three years of trying, we were blessed with our little Chase. What an incredible little boy. No doubt he was meant to be ours. this little boy has filled our home, hearts, and lives with so much joy. I don't know what I could have possibly done to deserve him but dangit, I am thankful. He's beaten the odds more than once and has proven to be so very strong. I can't imagine life without my little buddy. 

Day 29: I am thankful for my knowledge of the gospel. I don't know how people manage to keep a positive outlook or cope with loss without it. It has been hard this year, dealing with the loss of Albert, the cornerstone to our family, and the only thing that has made it even kind of bearable is knowing without any doubt that I will indeed see him again, him and everyone else that has gone before me. I am thankful to know of the Plan of Salvation. Knowing my purpose here on Earth, and knowing the things I need to do brings me comfort and security. 

Day 30: I am thankful for the employees at Ruff House, for being honest, hard workers and making it the place that it is. I watch closer than any of them may think, and am constantly impressed by their dedication to those dogs. I know when I leave my own dogs there, they are in good hands and that is a priceless comfort to have! I appreciate each and every one of them for their hard work, and I recognize that without a fantastic staff, I would not be able to be home and present for my family. I am not the best business owner, oh no, not by a long shot. I have so much to learn still, always room for improvement no doubt. I'm thankful for their patience with me.