Antisocial Media

Social media is in nearly every home these days. I applaud those who have kept it out. Sometimes I wish I had. 

I love how easy it makes it to connect with people. I have a sister in Texas that I keep in good contact with very easily. Jon's family in Vegas are all on Facebook. I have a wonderful, supportive group of ladies with babies close to Chase's age that I've connected with that have been a huge help to me the last year. Old friends, new friends, family... it's all easy communication. Social media is like an open window into our lives, where we can share as much or as little as we wish. 

But sometimes I feel like our lives could use some time with the curtains drawn. I find myself stressing over things that normally wouldn't matter. Moreso lately than usual I have found myself debating if I would make different decisions if I was not concerned what everyone would think. You see, I'm feeling a bit stretched thin these days. Overextended. Overwhelmed. I feel like I'm trying to maintain my dogs, be a Mom, be a good wife, a good friend, prepare the house to sell, raise these puppies right, and deal with the huge crisis that our nuclear family is going through and it's proven to be a bit much. I often find myself laying awake at night for hours on end with my mind racing until my body gives in to exhaustion and I fall into a restless, anxious sleep.

When will the house sell? When will the puppies sell? Where will we live? Am I going to lose my car? Will the dogs be ok extended boarding AGAIN? Are people judging me poorly for them being in this situation? Is this going to hurt my business? I don't want to be a burden on those around me. Are Chase's delays more than just delays? Am I doing things right with him? I feel like people blame me for his not hitting his milestones on time. 

There's so much good that can come with social media. Unfortunately it also allows for a lot of unnecessary transparency that gives way to people's judgement and opinion. Likely, this is happening more in my head than in reality but it doesn't change the fact that too often I am weighing what people will think- how our choices will be perceived by the outside world- when making decisions for our family and I think sometimes it gets in the way of what's best for us.
The truth is, I'm an introvert by nature and though I limit my interactions with people because I find it truly exhausting, I still have this childish need for acceptance. This need has led to me overextending myself and my resources. And, if I'm being totally honest with myself it's had more of a negative impact on my family than I'd like to admit. I try to be a people pleaser and it really effects me when I think people are mad at me or doubt my intentions. It shouldn't, but it does, and I feel like social media makes it easier to worry about the things that don't matter because they're so easily brought to the forefront of everything.
I feel like it's time to really refocus my priorities and figure out what I want out of this chapter of life. Jon and I are going to be moving this winter- something we did not plan or want but we have no choice in the matter due to circumstances- and I feel like though it's a huge cause of stress right now maybe the opportunity to start over is exactly what we need. We really have been though so much. Very few people know what our marriage has weathered. There's a lot of uncertainty in our lives right now but I am thankful to know for absolute certain that no matter what comes our way, we will face it together. I am immensely blessed to have him in my life and though there have been times in the past we have taken each other for granted, (and really, what married couple hasn't?) he's my rock. I would not have chosen to be in the situation we are in, not in a million years, but it's starting to make sense. I am seeing a silver lining ahead. A fresh start. A new beginning. And all we have to do is brave this storm to get there.