Lake Mead

Ahh, boating season already. But this isn't just ANY boating season, it's our first boating season with a boat of our own. I'm not sure just how much we will be able to get out on the water this summer, because there's a lot going on, including a litter of Dane puppies on the way but we're really excited to at least have gotten our first trip in.

We went to Lake Mead tagging along on a trip Grandpa Albert had planned. It was just a long weekend trip but we had so much fun. Jon drove the entire way there, which anyone that knows Jon (and his tendency to fall asleep at the drop of a hat...) knows why that's so impressive. Plus, it means I didn't have to pull the boat, which is good because I'm afraid I'd screw up and we'd all die.
We also brought Braxton along because, well.... why not.

For being first timers, I think the trip went exceptionally well. Jon caught on to towing the boat like a total natural, and launching, docking, and loading the boat went really well every single time. 

Braxton was a pretty darn good boating dog. The water level was actually up this year instead of down, so the shoreline was a funky quicksand like consistency, which kind of weirded him out and prevented him from going out and swimming, but seriously, this dog is amazing. He took everything in stride, and is a great boating dog, other than being a total bed hog.... but that's a Dane thing. It's a shame I hate training beyond basic manners because he has so much potential. I keep thinking how "easy" it would be to get him certified for therapy work, and then I remember how much I hate training. And people. Then I push the idea out of my mind. -shrug-

Probably the best part of the trip is that since Lake Mead is right next to Vegas, Jon's mom AND his dad were able to come out and spend the day a couple times. Between the dogs, Ruff House, Wal Mart, and Jon's hectic school schedule we don't have many opportunities to go visit, but I'm glad we were able to roll family time and boating time in one, because those are two of my favorite things. I wish we could visit more. I wish they could visit more. HEY, Trish, Chuck, come visit more! For real. 

All in all, we had a great trip. Boating is my single most favorite thing ever to do, I'm so glad Jon enjoys it too. Boat ownership is treating us well. It's a LOT more work to actually be the one prepping a boat, and not just grabbing a toothbrush (which Mitch claims is optional, I however disagree) and bathing suit and going... but it's worth it. 

I'm glad I get to share that part of my life with Jon, too. I'm not sure what I'd do if he didn't like boating. Some of my absolute very best memories of my whole life are on the water. I hope in 20 years, our kids (we will have them, someday) can say the same thing. 

Summertime

Summertime is finally here. I can't believe it, 2012 is flying by so fast.

Jon and I kicked off the Summer RIGHT with a boating trip to Lake Mead with Grandma and Grandpa. We had a lot of fun. It was our first trip out with our boat, and Braxton tagged along. It was really nice to get away, because my tailbone surgery got 2012 off to a really rocky start and it felt like a turning point for a more positive time to come, if that makes any sense. It was a quick weekend trip, but still loads of fun. It was really great to get to spend some time with Jon's side of the family, whom we don't get to see nearly as much as we'd like. We really want to go back in August, but we'll see if it happens. Fingers crossed!

Gosh, he's handsome, isn't he?

In other Dane news, we have a litter of 9 beautiful, healthy Great Dane puppies here. Zailey has her first litter on May 23rd, sired by Mousse of course. We are so thrilled with them, and will definitely be pairing these two together again in the future. The puppies are a lot of work, a full time job, really... but I am enjoying it a ton. They are going to be 4 weeks old tomorrow.

SO. Many. Puppies. lol.

Life is pretty much business as usual other than that. I haven't been at Ruff House nearly as much since the puppies arrived, but everything is going really great. 

I've been really awful at updating the blog as often as I used to. I'd like to promise I will do better... but... well, no promises. 

May Already!?

Can you believe it's May already?? So much has been going on in our lives, and it seems like time is just flying by. First order of business, we are selling our house. We are one of the few lucky people with equity right now, especially because we JUST bought last year. We have really loved living here, but we want more of a yard than we have so that we can give the pack adequate space, and still have a place for our future kids to run and play in the back yard. So, the idea is to buy for LESS than we sell for, and be able to put money away. Second, we are expecting Zailey's first litter of Great Dane puppies at the end of this month around the 25th of May. She is doing really great and will have an x-ray for a guesstimate on how many pups to expect about a week and a half before her estimated due date. We have the whelping box all set up for her, and she seems to like it so hopefully all goes well, I'm sure it will. She's kinda tired now, and has lost her waistline and looks chunky, but is in really good condition. I think she will be a great mama Dane.

Exciting news: Jon is officially just ONE YEAR away from graduating college. I mean, until he starts the Master's program, that is. But, next April he will officially be done at UVU and on the hunt to leave his job at Wal Mart for bigger and better things. We are so excited for that chapter to come to an end. Juggling so many different schedules is kind of a pain, from School, to Ruff House, to Wal Mart... it's a lot of different things to balance around and it will be nice to officially cut something out. I will really enjoy him being home and generally around more. Next week we will be taking a trip to Lake Mead with Grandma & Grandpa. We are SO excited, this will be the first time having a boat our own on a trip. Eek. I am really really disappointed that we will be missing the big family trip, because we will have one month old puppies here, but on the flip side, I know it will still be a lot of fun so we are looking forward to it anyway. Braxton will be joining us since Zailey will be 7 weeks pregnant at the time we go. I really want to make it to Powell before the end of the Summer. but we'll see if that ends up being doable, with hopefully moving and all. We are still not pregnant, and haven't moved any closer with adopting only because any time you move, there are certain parts that have to be started all over, so while we are in the process of selling and buying, we are just putting that process on a brief hold so as not to have to start all over again when we move. So, if you follow our other blog and are wondering why we haven't had any updates to it in a while- that's why. Oh, we also are getting callings at church. Considering we've lived here for over a year, I'd say it's overdue. We will be teaching a primary class. I'm actually looking forward to it. Hmm, I think that's just about it. I will try to update more regularly from now on, especially with all this super fun stuff going on this Summer. :-)

Understanding It.

So much has been going on. Good stuff, bad stuff, you know: life. I will catch up on all that later.

I was taking a break today, and catching up on a forum I lurk, when I came across this thread on infertility. As I read it, I couldn't get past how perfectly accurate it is, and how it's better said than I could ever do. It's about understanding how infertility really effects the Ives of those experiencing it. As our 26th month of TTC is about to turn into 27, I found it appropriate.

I want to share my feelings about infertility
with you, because I want you to understand
my struggle. I know that understanding
infertility is difficult; there are times when it
seems even I don’t understand. This struggle
has provoked intense and unfamiliar feelings
in me and I fear that my reactions to these
feelings might be misunderstood. I hope my
ability to cope and your ability to understand
will improve as I share my feelings with you.
I want you to understand.
You may describe me this way: obsessed,
moody, helpless, depressed, envious, too
serious, obnoxious, aggressive, antagonistic,
and cynical. These aren't very admirable
traits; no wonder your understanding of my
infertility is difficult. I prefer to describe me
this way: confused, rushed and impatient,
afraid, isolated and alone, guilty and
ashamed, angry, sad and hopeless, and
unsettled.
My Infertility makes me feel confused. I
always assumed I was fertile. I’ve spent years
avoiding pregnancy and now it seems ironic
that I can’t conceive. I hope this will be a
brief difficulty with a simple solution such as
poor timing. I feel confused about whether I
want to be pregnant or whether I want to be
a parent. Surely if I try harder, try longer, try
better and smarter, I will have a baby.
My infertility makes me feel rushed and
impatient. I learned of my infertility only
after I’d been trying to become pregnant for
some time. My life-plan suddenly is behind
schedule. I waited to become a parent and
now I must wait again.
I wait for medical appointments, wait for
tests, wait for treatments, wait for other
treatments, wait for my period not to
come, wait for my partner not to be out of
town and wait for pregnancy. At best, I
have only twelve opportunities each year.
How old will I be when I finish having my
family?
My infertility makes me feel afraid.
Infertility is full of unknowns, and I’m
frightened because I need some definite
answers. How long will this last? What if
I’m never a parent? What humiliation must
I endure? What pain must I suffer? Why do
drugs I take to help me, make me feel
worse? Why can’t my body do the things
that my mind wants it to do? Why do I
hurt so much? I’m afraid of my feelings,
afraid of my undependable body and afraid
of my future.
My infertility makes me feel isolated and
alone. Reminders of babies are
everywhere. I must be the only one
enduring this invisible curse. I stay away
from others, because everything makes me
hurt. No one knows how horrible my pain
is. Even though I’m usually a clear thinker,
I find myself being lured by superstitions
and promises, I think I’m losing
perspective. I fell so alone and I wonder if
I’ll survive this.
My infertility makes me feel guilty and
ashamed. Frequently I forget that infertility
is a medical problem and should be treated
as one. Infertility destroys my self esteem
and I feel like a failure.
Why am I being punished? What did I do
to deserve this? Am I not worthy of a baby?
Am I not a good sexual partner? Will my
partner want to remain with me? Is this the
end of my family lineage? Will my family
be ashamed of me? It is easy to lose selfconfidence
and feel ashamed.
My infertility makes me feel angry.
Everything makes me angry, and I know
much of my anger is misdirected. I’m angry
at my body because it has betrayed me even
thought I’ve always taken care of it. I’m
angry at my partner because we can’t seem
to feel the same about infertility at the same
time. I want and need an advocate to help
me.
I’m angry at my family because they’ve
always sheltered and protected me from
terrible pain. My younger sibling is
pregnant; my mother wants a family
reunion to show off her grandchildren and
my grandparents want to pass down family
heirlooms. I’m angry at my medical
caregivers, because it seems that they control
my future. They humiliate me, inflict pain
on me, pry into my privacy, patronize me,
and sometimes forget who I am. How can I
impress on them how important parenting is
to me?
I’m angry at my expenses; infertility
treatment is extremely expensive. My
financial resources may determine my family
size. My insurance company isn’t
cooperative , and I must make so many
sacrifices to pay the medical bills. I can’t go
to a specialist, because it means more travel
time, more missed work, and greater
expenses. Finally, I’m angry at everyone
else. Everyone has opinions about my
inability to become a parent. Everyone has
easy solutions. Everyone seems to know
too little and say too much.
My Infertility makes me feel sad and
hopeless. Infertility feels like I’ve lost my
future, and no one knows of my sadness. I
feel hopeless; infertility robs me of my
energy. I’ve never cried so much nor so
easily. I’m sad that my infertility places my
marriage under so much strain. I’m sad
that my infertility requires me to be so selfcentered.
I’m sad that I've ignored any
friendships because this struggle hurts so
much and demands so much energy.
Friends with children prefer the company
of other families with children. I’m
surrounded by babies, pregnant women,
playgrounds, baby showers, birth stories,
kids’ movies, birthday parties and much
more. I feel so sad and hopeless.
My infertility makes me feel unsettled. My
life is on hold. Making decisions about my
immediate and my long-term future seems
impossible. I can’t decide about education,
career, purchasing a home, pursuing a
hobby, getting a pet, vacations, business
trips and houseguests. The more I struggle
with my infertility, the less control I have.
This struggle has no timetable; the
treatments have no guarantees. The only
sure things are that I need to be near my
partner at fertile times and near my doctor
at treatment times. Should I pursue
adoption? Should I take expensive drugs?
Should I pursue more specialized and costly
medical intervention? It feels unsettling to
have no clear, easy answers or guarantees.
Occasionally I feel my panic subside. I’m
learning some helpful ways to cope; I’m
now convinced I’m not crazy, and I believe
I’ll survive. I’m learning to listen to my
body and be assertive, not aggressive, about
my needs. I’m realizing that good medical
care and good emotional care are not
necessarily found in the same place. I’m
trying to be more than an infertile person
gaining enthusiasm, joyfulness, and zest for life.

Source

That is all

Dane News

Zailey officially went into heat this weekend.
That means that we are inching closer and closer to our first litter of Dane babies. I'm excited, and nervous all at the same time. I've been preparing for a long time, and am just about done gathering all my supplies. Grandpa Albert and I have been building a neat whelping box for her, and I hope we get to finish it up this weekend so I can bring it home and let her check it out.

It's always rewarding to have something long anticipated for, meticulously planned, and thought out finally come around. I am hoping that Mousse figured it out when the time comes, and that both are fertile. The last thing this house needs is another infertile female. lol.
She is less than thrilled about being back in her panties when she's inside the house, and isn't thrilled about not having as much freedom as usual. Braxton is confused, I will leave him at that.
So, depending on when we have successful ties, we should have a litter on the ground in the end of May. From heath-tested, and temperamentally sound parents. I absolutely can not wait to see what colors we get.
Mousse x Zailey

March madness

Holy crap, it's March! Isn't that crazy?!
SO much has been going on already this year, I'm not sure where the last couple months have gone.
We've been doing some awesome renovations at Ruff House that we are pretty excited about, so business is doing well. I'm really excited to see what our customers think of the paint job.
Which, let's side track about that for a minute. When me and Jon decided to get involved wit Ruff House when we moved home,we were so excited. I couldn't have asked for a better partner in the whole thing, either. But in January when we decided to take Ruff House on ourselves, and our partner moved onto the next chapter of her life, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared to death! What do I know about running a business? Big fat nothing. It has been such a learning experience and roller coaster and I can not even begin to explain how thrilled I am with where my career is.
So, fast forward to last weekend. We had a HUGE paint job ahead of us. Walls, floors, the works. Everything needed a face lift. New (old) desk in the lobby, everything. I let our staff know that we would be working on it and whoever wanted to come help could, but it wasn't expected or required. When I got here after Jeannene's baby shower Saturday, I about peed my pants. Every employee but one who had to leave before I was able to get here (I was the LAST to arrive!) AND their spouses AND one person's land lady showed up to help. Free of charge. Just because they believe in Ruff House just as much as we do. It's amazing, it really is, to have such awesome people behind this place. Saturday and Sunday, into the wee hours of the morning, we had our awesome staff right along side us, paint rollers in hand, helping us make this dream a reality. It was a humbling experience for sure, and I can't think of any other people I'd rather be experiencing this with.
Also, we are beginning the long, tedious adoption process with a meeting with our bishop Sunday. Our recommends expired in January and the first step is getting them back, and then we can begin. We are excited, and nervous all at the same time. I have started a secondary blog at the recommendation of several of the people I've networked with that said it's a great tool for birth parents. I am not cross-posting it to facebook or anything like that, and it will be strictly things pertaining to our lifestyle, infertility, and adoption whereas this one is the random spewings of my mind- often times in the wee hours of the morning, but if you're interested in following it, let me know and I will send you the link. Feel free to regularly post comments about how awesome we are, too.
We sold Jon's Prius. It was bittersweet. Bitter for Jon. Sweet for me. All joking aside, it was an awesome car with great mileage, but it is such a dangerous vehicle in the snow, and it just felt like what we were supposed to do. We bought an older Chevy Silverado and even Jon likes it. Which means.... we can tow the boat now! Woo hoo, Lake Powell here we come! I can't wait for summer boating trips. Can. Not. Wait. It also helped take care of the unexpected crazy expensive hospital bills from my recent cystectomy. I have no idea if I spelled that right. Oh well. AND, as a prize to ourselves for getting our full asking price on the Prius, and being so very thrifty lately, we are allowing ourselves each some spending money this month just because. I'm buying cloth diapers with mine. (I've been nesting for two years, give me a break!) Jon wants to go to a nice dinner date with his.

This is unrealated to anything I've been mentioning in this post, but it's been a while since I blogged and I have a lot to say. Pretty much, I think the world needs to kow how much I love my husband. I mean really flippin' love him. I can't think of anything or anyone in the whole world that I love more fully and unconditionally than Jon. Well... maybe Annie but shhhh!. I can't think of another being that I am more compatible with, happier with, and in love with. I am so blessed to have found someone like him to share my life with. I hope he knows that. I want everyone to know that.
Just sayin'.



OH! And Tanya is pregnant, and Jeannene is due any day, AND Lexi is coming to visit for like... 3 weeks... don't tell anyone, but I'm kinda excited for more babysitting opportunities. I kinda like the little buggars.

I'm Oppressed because I'm a Mormon Woman. Only Not.

So, I spend a lot of time online. Perhaps too much, but oh well. I have friends online, and maybe a few enemies, but for the most part, I enjoy having people to discuss, debate, and challenge ideas with. I think it's important to be challenged, if we are never met with opposition it's too easy to forget all the reasons you believe the way you do. It's OK if none of this makes sense to you, most of what I say makes no sense to anyone else.
First of all, I don't argue. I debate. Sometimes I have disagreements, but I never argue. Remember that, k?
Recently I had a discussion with a friend on Facebook about women in the church. In case you don't know, I'm Mormon. Yes, I drink caffeine, no my husband does not have multiple wives, yes we go to church, no I've never sacrificed babies or sheep in the temple, (where do people come up with this crap?!) yes, I believe in eternal life, and NO I am not freaking oppressed.
There are so many misconceptions about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints out there, as there are about every organized religion, but one that irks me more than most other is that women in the church are in some way oppressed, looked down upon, or not viewed as a second class citizen. I am not sure where people come up with this crap, but I'm not sure if you know me or not... I don't exactly let other people control my life's decisions. Just ask my mom. (Hi, Mom!)So, the idea that women in the church are controlled by their husbands or church leaders is laughable to me.

Let's dive in.

Women can't hold the priesthood! That's totally sexist.
Well, you know... big deal? It's not exactly a secret that the LDS church supports traditional gender roles, and quite frankly, is that such a bad thing? But the notion that women are sub par, or in any way below their husbands is laughable at best. The entire Relief Society presidency is made up of women. Women can be called as missionaries, they serve as teachers, but above all: they are nurturers. I'm sorry if the idea of women being mothers first and foremost is offensive to you (actually, I'm not) but quite frankly, if more were we probably wouldn't have so many parentless hooligans running around causing trouble.

Women can do more than just pop out babies, you know.
Well, yeah, they can also raise said babies to not be idiots! As a Mormon woman, I have never felt obligated to abandon every hobby, passion, career, or plan to sit at home and have babies. But, I do think that being a mother is the most important role a woman can serve. Why? Because they're the future, that's why. The more kids are left to raise themselves, the more problems we as a society seem to have. We are still encouraged to obtain an education, and be sufficient human beings, but is there a more important role than motherhood? Absolutely not. No way.

Mormon women are oppressed.
Uhh... come again? Have you met me?! LOL. First of all, let's point out the obvious here. No one forces anyone to be a member. Secondly, I feel women are celebrated more in the LDS religion than any other. Prophets, Apostles, Bishops... they all sing the praises of women. I have always felt that men and women in the church are equals, different but complimentary to one another.

"Our doctrine is clear: Women are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves them. Wives are equal to their husbands. Marriage requires a full partnership where wives and husbands work side by side to meet the needs of the family."
-QUENTIN L. COOK
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
April 2011 General Conference

"One individual is complimentary to the other. As Paul stated: Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man in the Lord. Man and woman are his creations, their duality is His design. One is incomplete without the other."
-PRESIDENT GORDON B. HINKLEY

"There are some men who in a spirit of arrogance think they are superior to women. They do not seem to realize that they would not exist but for the mother who gave them birth. Every women is a daughter of God. You can not offend her without offending Him.The women in our lives are creatures endowed with particular qualities, divine qualities that cause them to reach out in kindness and with love to those about them."
- PRESIDENT GORDON B. HINKLEY

"Mothers, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours, and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Yours is the work of salvation."
-JEFFERY R. HOLLAND

"Know that in faith, things will be made right because of you. We thank all of you, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and the glory of God. May I say to mothers collectively: you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact you have been given such responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in heaven has in you."
-JEFFERY R. HOLLAND

"Sisters, we, your brethren, cannot do what you were divinely designated to do from before the foundation of the world. We may try, but we cannot ever hope to replicate your unique gifts. There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman."
-M. RUSSELL BALLARD
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

...so what was that about being oppressed and looked down upon because I am a woman in the LDS church? It's simply not true.

As an LDS woman:
I'm not oppressed.
I don't feel looked down upon.
I've never felt pressure to marry young...
or to sit at home and pop out babies.
I have not felt obligated to abandon my career.

I do feel praised and supported.
I do feel glorified.
I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

And that's all I have to say about that.